Happy life
‘We all want to be loved, we all want to be wanted, but often that kind of love is not forthcoming, it doesn’t come easy. Sometimes we only get what we deserve, sometimes we end up with what we don’t deserve. We have to work hard to keep ourselves in check and keep an eye on our desires, no matter how big or small they may seem
When I think about my perfect life, I try to imagine it with the perfect guy. The “perfect guy” and “perfect girlfriend” in my head would always find me smiling at her beautiful smile and laughing at how she is a wonderful girl in this. She could dance and sing with no trouble, her hair would curl as long as the summer sun, and she would definitely get to know everyone in my life at every moment of their lives. She has to be strong in spirit and never let go of wanting something so bad for herself, even if it means being alone with someone else. And, the thing I’m most excited about in my future is to spend time with her every day, to share my thoughts and feelings with her, to see each other’s faces when we are together (that’s a dream), and to feel the warmth and glow of her face when she takes me home after work. Oh, wait I forgot what her name was…’
In the past few days, I have been thinking much of the image I had in my mind of my ideal man and woman, especially now I think about the idea of having someone who is patient, that will take care of me in both physical and mental aspects, someone who is wise and capable in everything, and very affectionate and caring for them. And I think about how many times we have talked about these ideals.
I think one reason why my relationship with myself hasn’t worked out at all is that it didn’t start off like that. Sure, I spent years chasing relationships. I followed people from birth until death like an orphan. But then again, after a while, I started to fall into myself and I gave up hope of ever finding someone to love me and take care of me. And I had a million thoughts running through my head whenever I would watch YouTube videos about people talking about dating and how great it is.
I thought these guys were really cute, and some of them seemed really sweet too, just like a little boy would want to talk to his mom when he wants something that belongs to him, so I just kept on following their advice and hoping for dreams. Maybe they are pretty nice, but they also can be heartless and sometimes make me forget about myself and all the things who I am and what I like about myself. So, I just wished for a nice guy who was easy to approach, so I could start with a conversation and maybe he would finally give me a chance and maybe he would get along well with my personality and all the things that I like about. But we all want something that we need to have for ourselves. It just doesn’t exist until we have a partner that will provide us with happiness and security like we didn’t have before.
I am very open-minded, which means that I love to talk to anyone about anything at any time and any place and this means that I usually enjoy traveling to new places, reading new books, listening to different kinds of music, and seeing different places. This makes me very happy. I think it is something I need to do to be able to interact with people to build trust and make friends with them. A lot of times I find myself spending the time alone in my room when I need solitude, but I also found myself enjoying talking to someone who shares the same interests as me. For example, I find myself using FaceTime calls when I need to talk to someone who needs help. Or people who are trying to get help and support. At least once in a while, I feel lonely when nobody seems to go out of their way to help me. Especially when I feel depressed or sad, and I look at all the couples sitting together on video calls and wonder how it feels to see a couple who is truly a family, and how happy they must be.
After a month of living in the house that I share with my boyfriend and my dog, I need to find a new place, to live somewhere where I can have more space and more people to spend time here. My parents are old, they weren’t always around. When they passed on I felt left behind, depressed, and lost, and I was struggling to adjust to the living environment I had. Just like that, the next day came and my friends had already moved to new homes and they told me to stay at one house until further notice.
This is a perfect opportunity for getting out of my comfort zone, to move out and experience the world. I need to discover myself, find ways to meet new people, and experience different kinds of people. This would definitely give me a sense of independence, which is needed for me to become independent and confident. I am aware that this decision would break with my and my family’s plans, so I have decided that this will mean that I have to leave my beloved pet and dog behind. That means that I will need to be alone for a while and will be missing them quite a bit, probably for weeks. But this will also mean that I will miss my friends and all the people I have grown to love. All people who have loved me in the past for whatever reason will love me again because I decided to change that situation.
‘Sometimes when we’re scared and lost, we lose sight of ourselves, of who we are and we become a shadow to the one we used to be. Instead of letting ourselves be happy, we hide inside ourselves and try so hard to protect ourselves from the reality that lies outside. Then we retreat back to our cocoon, to the shadows that hide the true selves that we wish to destroy. But we can’t and it’s okay because sometimes that is exactly what we need to do to get ourselves to happiness’
💔 wow
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